watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
