If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
