She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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