Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
