i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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