So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
