Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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