At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so let's talk penis.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
