wakey wakey hands off snakey
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize