I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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