She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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