Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
