sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
