Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
