ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
