Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize