I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
