I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
