He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
