im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
