Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize