What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
