I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
