oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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