Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
