He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We named our party play list daddy issues
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
