i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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