okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
