in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
