I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
