i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
