Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
