i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
