OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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