he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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