It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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