If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
