I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
