just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize