I'm gonna have a badass scar
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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