I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
