I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
