she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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