When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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