Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
