Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
