Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
