I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
