Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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