In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
COCAINE IS GR8
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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