she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
