Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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