he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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