I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
