He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
