it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize