my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
