so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
