Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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