This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
