She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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