She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
