Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize