I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
