I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
