I feel great
I just peed on a car
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
