I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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