she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize