you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
