I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
