sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
