Don't you send me to vm
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize