Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
