I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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