I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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