it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
