yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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