what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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