Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
