Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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