I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
