Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
