***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
