we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize