Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
God I need to hump something, right now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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