i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
