ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
