can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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