Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
