Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
