brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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