I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
