dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
