As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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