I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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