I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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