Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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