I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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