Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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