His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
