No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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