If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
