Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
