tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
