This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
