This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
