he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
