I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
