alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
